I’m learning not to negotiate with my own preferences

I used to think having standards meant having a rigid checklist. That made me suspicious of my own preferences, so I tried to be endlessly flexible.

Now I think standards can be much simpler. I want someone kind. I want communication that feels clear enough. I want effort to go both ways. I want to feel respected even when we disagree.

None of that guarantees a perfect relationship. It just gives me a better starting point.

I am still happy to be surprised by people. I just want the surprise to happen inside a situation that already feels healthy.